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I'm a girl. I really am a girl!
This was a phrase that I often repeated to anyone who would listen during my early childhood. Growing up in South Georgia as a hermaphrodite was very trying to say the least. When my parents finally consented the surgery was a great success save for the deformed nipple that they were never able to repair. It makes using nipple clamps quite difficult, but I relish a challenge.
My childhood was interesting to say the least. The only pet my parents would allow in the house was a miniature donkey. I think that eventually led to my fascination with midgets. My mother was a one-legged hooker addicted to candy cigarettes and 80's porn (she likes the hairy look)! Dad recently admitted that he was a drag queen by night through my formative years. He can be a real SOB but damn is he good at giving make-overs! I always thought that a bit odd but just figured he was weird! He is saving up for the sex-change operation that should happen any time now (and no Bruce Jenner is not my dad)! I think that's where my "college fund" ended up. SMH!!!
After my traumatic childhood I decided that I needed a serious change in my life. I headed to Australia to pursue my dream of ostrich racing. It was a very rewarding experience but didn't hold my attention for long. I decided on a walkabout in the outback. During my travels I came upon an aborigine midget tribe. They revered me on sight and taught me to play the didgeridoo. Because of their diminutive stature I was given the burden of carrying the thing around.
The part of me that craves excitement is really into porn. And not just any porn. I have this strange fascination with midgets. Throw in a little bestiality and you'll have this 350 lb. blonde goddess of love all over you.
My attorney says I don't have a very good case against the transvaginal mesh manufacturers so don't count on me for any class action lawsuit winnings. They take cases from people who were born with ONLY female genitalia. As if I haven't been thru enough in my life!
What am I looking for in my next ex-husband you may ask??? First of all...a penis is mandatory. The length is not critical but massive girth is a huge plus in my book! You must have a good job. You must not be opposed to porn. You must enjoy children (I have 4). Only one of my four ex-husbands is still in the picture. Haven't heard from the other 3 in years. The one that hangs around is.....you guessed it. A midget. He is absolutely adorable and eats regular people food so he has never been hard to maintain. I even taught him how to fetch. And girth...oh my heavens. Best sex I ever had. I keep him as my go to guy when I'm between victims err I mean husbands. The only thing that creeps me out about him is his weird gerbil obsession. That gave me the brilliant idea for a new type of strap-on. It is a dildo shaped like a gerbil. It is warm, fuzzy and wiggles upon insertion.
Another requirement is that he be able to have sex to the rhythm of "We are the Champions" and maintain climax thru the high notes. That is sure to give me the best orgasm I could possibly have.
HMU if you want to know more.
Hope everyone has a blessed day!!
Addendum....After considering my disturbed upbringing the doctors agree that my new dilemma is considered "normal".....I am now tormented with cryophobia. It has brought my ice skating career to a screeching halt. Every morning I awaken drenched in sweat with visions of midget driven miniature donkeys chasing me across the ice. My life is pure hell I tell you!
2nd Addendum....I no longer have a single non-deformed nipple. The f**king ninja kittens maimed me for good when I took them to get their little balls snipped.
Want To Find:
A man ages 30 to 50 to date
Never done one of these....so be kind please!!! What do you miss most?
Looking back on 2017
Super Bowl Cookout 02/05/17
Happy birthday Dude!!!
The dumbass message thread.
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